Flux

Today was a good day. Pastor Jim was sick this morning so the women led the service. There were about three times as many choruses sung as usual, and there were some very special readings regarding faith and opportunity.

I like to see the way things are changing at our church, and I am glad to be a part of it.

Things are really starting to move and shake at our church. People are seeing that going to church is more than just sitting on your butt on Sunday and socializing with the same people.

With guidance from God, Jim is helping to lead our church into a new era. One where we are actually DOING something.

I am teaching Friday night computer classes. Linda Johnson is leading a Sunday Evening intercessory prayer meeting. Sunday school classes are becoming more involved and more relevant.

We are actually doing something. Making a difference.

I am thinking of taking another step and inviting the surrounding community into one of my computer classes. God has been dealing with me lately on this, and I am feeling more and more led to extend my services to my hometown for free.

It would be a ministry of the church, and a harrowing experience for me as it would place me outside of my comfort zone.

Jim has also asked me to consider running for the church board. I have given this considerable thought and have not yet arrived at a decision.

Cheryl is starting to get over her morning sickness somewhat. She is 8-9 weeks along so far, and we are somewhat getting used to the idea that soon there will be three where once there was only two.

I am really looking forward to being a father. I am still trying to deal with the rampant feelings of inadequacy in regards to being a father. All I can think about is that I don’t want to turn out like my mother.

Sadly, I hope my fear of being like my mother does not result in my worst fears coming true.

Only time will tell I suppose.

I find that I am still not as centered as I want to be. I feel this is mostly in part that my prayer and devotional life is sorely lacking. I spend little to no time in devotions or in prayer. I am making conscious efforts to try to improve this though.

On the work front, things suck pretty bad. I am stuck in a dead-end job, and I see no hope of relief anytime soon due to our lackluster job market. I want to stay at with my current employer, but I feel like I am being led to quit my job in order to pursue service to the Church on a more full-time basis. I feel a bit like Abraham in that I am being told to pick up and move to a new land with no reason why.

With a baby on the way, and my future in flux, this is just one more thing to add to the mix that is my stress.

Dear God… please help me. I have little to no understanding of what your plan for my life is. I am trying to understand though. Please help me to be able to hear your voice. Please help me to get past my unbelief and doubts. Please help me to be more of a servant.