Geez Dad, it’s only been two years.

On Saturday, we had to take Dad to the hospital. More accurately, Cheryl and I were out at a Church business meeting, so my Uncle had to take Dad to the hospital. It turns out that he has a rampant kidney infection. He’s still flat on his back in the Hospital, and is hoping to get out Wednesday. He was supposed to have ultrasounds done today to let him know if he has kidney stones or not. Given the evidence, the Doctor seems to think it’s just the infection as he doesn’t have any sharp, bring-you-to-your-knees-weeping pain when he has to go to the bathroom.

Hopefully it’s nothing more serious than that. Hopefully.

More photos of Emma soon. I promise.

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This just in…

I talked to Jeremy, the hiring manager downstairs, and he said that he hired outside the company to fill his position. He also once again reiterated that he could use someone with my desktop experience on his team, but he just doesn’t have the opening right now.

He told me to keep checking back, and I can respect that. No big deal.

Baby updates

Apologies to all the in-laws and out-laws in my family that are waiting on more photos of Emma. I’m working on getting more posted. She is officially one month old (well, four weeks old anyway) as of yesterday (9/24). It’s hard to believe it’s been a month already!

It seems like only yesterday I was lamenting the loss of sleep. In all reality though, I haven’t lost all that much sleep. Just that first week or two. Cheryl has really stepped up to the plate to take care of Emma during the week so I can be conscious enough to get to work and back again. I take her on the weekends.

Speaking of sleep, for those of you who are interested, last night was Emma’s first full night of sleep. We put her to sleep at midnight last night, and she slept all the way through to 6:30 this morning.

There was much rejoicing throughout the land!

I’ll tell you though, when she woke up this morning, she wanted her bottle right now.

Some other changes you might like to know about are,

• She is able to hold her head up for extended periods of time now and even look around. She was sitting on my lap last night and just looking everywhere she could. She especially likes to see what’s behind her which leads to much turning and shifting positions often. Lather, rinse, repeat.
• Emma is taking nearly five ounces of formula now. We are having to let her finish one four ounce bottle and then start another one before she is full. As Cheryl said this morning, “We’re going to have to start her on eight ounce bottles. It’s bittersweet. She’s growing up!”
• She’s now rolling over on her own. From what I hear, this is pretty atypical as one of the other couples from church has a three month old baby girl who just started her rolling over. Cheryl sat her on the floor so Emma could play with her jungle gym and went to the kitchen. She came out about a minute later to find her lying on her side. She has also come out to find her on her tummy once before. (Mental note: Don’t let the baby out of sight.)
• Grabby! She has discovered that she has hands and that they can grab things. Things like the back of the changing table. Or her sucky. Or her hair. Or Daddy’s chest hair. Yowch.
• She can now push herself up with her arms for a short period of time. She usually does this when she is laying on my chest and she wants to look around more. It only lasts for a few seconds before *thump* she falls back down again.
• True to her genetic heritage, she is developing… certain habits… when burping and um… flatulating. Let’s just say she burps like Mommy and farts like Daddy and leave it at that.
• She has discovered the joy that is infant massage. If she is fussy, all Mommy or Daddy have to do is give her a foot rub and she chills right out. I was rubbing one foot the other night, and then stopped to see what she would do. She kicked the same foot out as if to say “Hey, keep going!” I did for a short time, and then stopped to see what she would do. She kicked the other foot out as if to say “Okay, now this one!” Sheesh, just like her mother.
• We have finally learned how to burp her properly. We feed her until she stops and then pat her back until she burps. And like I said above, she burps like Mommy. *arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp* Another funny story: I was feeding her last night and stopped to burp her. I was tapping her back with my hand tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap in a regular rhythm. I noticed that she was moving unusually, so I stopped. Her head kept moving in rhythm to the tapping that I was doing. She looked like the Taco Bell Chihuahua or one of those little bobbing dogs you have in the back of your car. Nod nod nod nod nod. I wish that I had the video camera to catch it. Cheryl was in the kitchen at the time, so she only heard my laughter.

Things are starting to get a lot more fun now because Emma is actually reacting to us. She is visibly more alert and aware of her surroundings. I can’t wait to see how she changes in the next few months. That’s my baby girl

I’ll continue to keep you all posted. Keep checking back!

apologetics">No apologies, just apologetics

I was digging through my file cabinet this past weekend (yes I have a file cabinet) and cleaning it out to make room for yet more documentation about my life such as credit card invoices, bank statements, etc. During this cleaning process I came across something I had written down a long time ago. It was dated June 10, 1997. This was nearly a year after my mother had passed away. I can only imagine that I wrote it during my last days at the Bible College I attended.

At that time, I didn’t have the passion for writing that I do now, but it amazed me at the clarity of voice I had even then in my writing. I thought I would post it since it is an integral part of my life experience.

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Whether or not man believes in God is irrelevant. God’s existence is not based on a whim, nor an ideal. God is not an attribute of the universe. God is the one that gave existence its substance.

Someone may say to you “Why do you believe in something that doesn’t exist?” I don’t believe in false hope. I don’t believe in science quantifying everything. I do believe in kindness, gentleness, and sincere caring.

I believe in a chance to admit my faults and be accepted without any penalty. I believe in a supreme being that created, sustains, and redeemed this universe, including the human race.

According to the Old Testament, the blood of a lamb was required to cleanse the people. I claim the blood of the lamb of God as my cleansing. Jesus Christ was crucified and died for me personally. My faith in Him is what I believe in.

You can as well.

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I wrote that just over six years ago.

Time has tempered me somewhat since then. So has experience. Does that mean that I don’t mean it anymore? No. I still do. I’m not as young and idealistic as I was then. Six years have shown me that not all is as black and white as I thought it was then.

Life is a bit more… complex… than I thought then.

I’ve come to realize that it’s pretty much true what people say about Politics and Religion. You just can’t have a calm discussion about either.

One thing I’ve noticed is that the main reason that people get into such an uproar about religion and God in general is that Christians always want to do what’s best, or what gives the most glory to God.

That’s why we have so many different denominations. “Oh, well what you’re doing isn’t glorifying God enough. We’ll go and make our own Church.”

It’s too bad that attitudes like that have to exist, but it’s the very culture of American Christianity that lets it happen.

I see it every Sunday at my church too. As second elder (kind of like a deacon) for the church, I hear a lot of different things. I hear the good things, but I also hear the bad. I have to shake my head at how disagreements are handled.

Why in a religion of compassion and caring do people feel the need to be so cutting and cruel with their comments and actions? Because everyone has their own perception of what gives the most glory to God.

It goes back to the old adage “There is no reality, there is only perception of that reality.”

Don’t get me wrong. I love my little church, but we have a lot of growing to do in regards to maturity and caring. I’ll include myself in that group. It’s easy to form into cliques and social circles when you have a church of a certain size. Our Sunday morning attendance floats around 60, so we are susceptible to it.

In our church, you have your group of folks who want to see the church continue to move forward and grow and minister to the community, and you have your group of folks who have helped to establish the church and get it where it is today. Both are integral to the survival of the church, but unfortunately both are starting to butt heads a bit more.

As a younger member of the church, I want to see the church expand and grow. We are land locked. There is no more room for expansion of our current facility. Our parking is stretched paper thin and our classrooms are busting at the seams. We are not able to adequately meet all the needs that we need to meet because of these constraints. We want to seriously consider purchasing land and putting up a new building so we can more adequately minister to the community.

The elder population of the church has sacrificed much to steer the church to where it is now. I’ve heard stories of no heat and sitting around a hole in the floor that had an old stove in it so they could keep warm during the winter. That hole has since been covered over and the building finished off nicely with carpeting and padded pews. They have done much to shape the church into what it is today.

Then, they could barely afford to pay the Pastor’s salary. Today, we have over five thousand dollars going out a month in expenses.

Quite a change from fifty years ago when the members first met in an old brick building.

Twenty years from now when these elders of the church are gone, and I am in their position will I be the same way? Will there be some youngster who wants to take the church that I helped shape and mold it into something entirely different? Something that I gave my life to making bigger and better? Will God grant me the patience to deal with that when the time comes? Or will I look back at myself as I am now and see myself as yet again young and idealistic?

I hope not. Just as I hope that these two parties can come to terms. Our church is in a fragile position right now. One wrong thing done or said could tear it apart.

My incessant ramblings about this may make you say “Why even bother?”

Some of you out there may feel that religion is just not for you, or an anachronism, or an opiate, or many of a million other things. You may be apathetic about it, or feel nothing but hatred towards it.

That’s OK. That’s your decision. I’m not going to look down my nose at you because you feel that way. (Unlike my predecessors in the Spanish Inquisition right?)

Because like so many years ago when I wrote what I wrote above, I have learned that life is more complex than black or white. So too must my answer be more complex than black or white.

I believe that for me, Christ is relevant. Christ exists and did die for me on a cross over two thousand years ago. Christ can be real to you too.

I can’t explain dinosaurs, or creation of the earth in seven days, or evolution or anything like that. I can’t reconcile creationism and evolution. I’m not going to try. I’m just like you. I’m trying to figure it all out.

All I can tell you is that until I actually sat down and shut my pie hole and opened myself up to the experience of acknowleding God’s existence, I couldn’t have told you anything about it.

It’s a frightening thing, opening yourself up like that. You acknowledge that there is something larger than you. Something more important. That’s a bitter pill to swallow for some people. Until you let go of your skepticism, your baggage, your issues of dealing with this life and get real with God, nothing will ever convince you otherwise.

Isaiah 59:1-2 says

“Behold, the LORD’s hand is not shortened,
That it cannot save;
Nor His ear heavy,
That it cannot hear.
But your iniquities have separated you from your God;
And your sins have hidden His face from you,
So that He will not hear.”

That works both ways. Until you are ready to hear, you won’t.

Once you are ready, then you will hear.

And that friends is why I bother.

Some of you could look at me and say “Boy, I knew you a long way back. You were a real jerk. You treated me bad. You knocked me down. You cussed at me. I know what you did with those people. You did this, you did that.”

Yeah, I did.

I did a lot of crap when I was younger. We all did. That doesn’t make it right though. It doesn’t mean we need to keep doing it.

And keep in mind that you’re not the one who has to live with my conscience. I know what I did, just like you know what you did.

I’ve ticked a lot of people off in my life. I still am ticking them off. You know what that makes me?

Human. Imperfect.

But I’m working on that. I’m working with the help of God to make myself better. More compassionate. More caring. I’m building something better out of what used to be garbage.

So while you may rant against this particular posting in my blog, or you may disagree with me entirely, or you may be applauding me, remember this.

Where you have the right to voice your opposition against my viewpoint, I have all the right to defend my viewpoint with patience, caring, and compassion.

Some of you out there will be laughing while you read this. You will be picking me apart left and right and viewing me as a “fundie” or “Jesus Freak.”

The way I look at things is this way. You can be tearing something down or picking it apart, or you can be building something better.

I’d rather build something better. Wouldn’t you?

A little political incorrectness to start the week off right.

I don’t normally post things that get forwarded to me in an e-mail, but I have to admit, I thought this one was pretty darned funny. Supposedly it is from Robin Williams. In order to avoid rants and flames up front, I’ll tell you that I don’t agree with everything he says. Nor do I condone the propagation of racial or cultural stereotypes. I can agree with some of his points though.

Enjoy.

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Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan… what we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

Robin Williams’ plan…(Hard to argue with this logic!)

I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here’s one plan:

1. The US will apologize to the world for our “interference” in their affairs, past & present You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosovich and the rest of those ‘good ole boys.’ We will never “interfere” again.

2. We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don’t want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one sneaking through holes in the fence.

3. All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We’ll give them a free trip home.
After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they
are. France would welcome them.

4. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don’t like it there, change it yourself and don’t hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don’t need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5. No “students” over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don’t attend classes, they get a “D” and it’s back home baby.

6. The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7. Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don’t like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8. If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not “interfere”. They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9. Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don’t need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10. All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us “Ugly Americans” any longer.

Now, ain’t that a winner of a plan.

“The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying ‘Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.’ She’s got a baseball bat and she’s yelling, ‘You want a piece of me?’”

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Late night ramblings

Home

It’s been a rough day.

Emma’s gas pains seem to be getting worse and worse. From what I understand, the three to six week point is when it seems to max out for newborns.

She is sleeping good now, but I think that’s only because the belly massage worked after I fed her. She gave out some really good burps after that.

Hopefully that will buy us a few hours tonight.

While I was at church this evening, Cheryl stayed home and took care of Emma. She said Emma was screaming the loudest she has ever screamed. I got to experience this firsthand tonight when Cheryl asked me to take care of her for a few minutes. I’ve never heard my little girl go hoarse before, so it can be a harrowing experience when you are a first-time parent.

I love my little girl, and I hate to see her this way. The only thing we can do is make sure we feed her, burp her, and give her the simethicone drops.

*sigh*

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Work

On the job front – still no news on the job yet.

It’s to be expected though. Jeremy said that he wanted to have the position staffed by the end of October. Given the caliber of position I applied for, he has every right to be choosy. I figure I should hear something either this week or next week.

I almost hesitate to write too much about it because I gave him my website information. By saying too much I run the risk of entering “suck-up territory.”

Jeremy, if you’re reading this, I’m not trying to suck up. I’m trying to strike a healthy balance between maintaining a blog and expressing true feelings about wanting a new job.

It would be a good job to get, that’s for sure. It would certainly help us out financially. I’d learn a heck of a lot too.

Oh well. Time will tell.

I still want it though. I want it so bad I can taste it.

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Church

Church was nice today. The service was geared towards the “Church Extension” program. Church Extension is basically a department of the denomination that is geared towards planting new churches and helping to revitalize existing churches that are in crisis. The General Superintendent of the denomination (a comparision would be a CEO of a corporation) was our speaker this morning, and delivered a focused and relevant message. It’s nice when preachers are that way and not all over the place.

This evenings sermon was preached by Roger, and he did a fantastic job. The rule of thumb for sermons is introduction, three main points, and a conclusion with application. He managed to preach an eleven point sermon with full application in the time alloted, and hold people’s interest. That and he preached it up. The 80y 90t M4d L337 5K1LL5

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Rambling

I need to take a vacation.

Things have been pretty hairy lately with the baby arriving and me personally adjusting to her. Don’t take that the wrong way either. For those of you who are parents, you know what I’m talking about. You don’t just have a new child arrive and you automatically adjust. First comes sleep deprivation. Then comes sleep adjustment. Then comes life adjustment. Then comes everything else that arrives at 1 month of age.

Being an only child, I was never exposed to siblings or even taking care of babies for that matter until about three weeks ago. I’d never changed a diaper until she was born.

I’ve always been concerned with me. Now I’m concerned with my wife and baby girl and making sure that I can provide for them both.

Some of you are probably reading this and saying “Oh. Yeah. Roll with it. Adjust.”

I’m trying.

Being naturally arrogant and suffering from the only-child syndrome (read: spoiled), it’s been an… interesting… experience for me all around.

Nothing like a child arriving to make you appreciate your faith in God all the more.

Random Piratical Interjections

Yar! I was informed that today be “International Talk Like a Pirate Day”. Do yer best ye scurvy dogs. If yeh be in a hurry, try usin’ this.

My pirate name is: Dread Pirate Vane

Like the famous Dread Pirate Roberts, you have a keen head for how to make a profit. You tend to blend into the background occaisionally, but that’s okay, because it’s much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way. Arr!

Now they just need an “International Talk Like Sean Connery Day.” Yar!

Canadian Bacon – The only way to fry.

This week Cheryl’s parents have been staying with us. It’s been nice having them in the house.

You know how some in-laws are stereotypically hard to get along with? Not mine. And thank God for that.

It’s actually nice that I can get up early on a Saturday morning and go out to breakfast with my father-in-law. I kind of look forward to it when we visit them in Ontario.

Of course, it might just be me looking forward to breakfast at the Husky House.

Nah.

I like Cheryl’s Dad. He’s a bit gruff sometimes, but he likes to have fun. Going out to breakfast (or anywhere now that I think about it) with him is as much an exercise in patience as it is fun. He likes to give any and all servers a hard way to go. Some pick up on it and run with the ball, others burn our toast and make sure we get stale coffee.

Those are the chances you take I suppose.

Emma has been taking really well to both Bill and Jean. I’m glad. Nana has done most of the baby holding and care this week, and that’s fine with me. I want to give Emma the best chance in the world to get to know her Nana and Papa. I’ve even managed to snag some really good photos, including this one of Bill holding Emma’s hand. Cheryl really liked that photo. I will more than likely print her off a copy so she can use it in her scrapbooking.

Nana never ceases to amaze me. She has this magical ability to help Emma get to sleep as soon as she holds her. There have been several times this week where I have been holding Emma and trying to console her to no avail. The sucky didn’t work. She didn’t want a bottle or a bum change. I would hold her this way, that way, and every way. I’d walk with her. Rock her. Sing to her. Talk to her.

None of it worked.

Finally, I would ask Jean to hold her and she would. 30 seconds later, my little angel was out like a light.

Meanwhile, Jean just smiles and says “I’ve had lots of practice.”

I need to get some of that mojo.

Details, details…

FYI everyone – the new photos have been posted and can be accessed by clicking on the links to the left. I will soon be rotating older photo albums out of the list as it is starting to get progressively more cluttered over there.

The photos will still be stored on the TypePad servers, but you just won’t be able to access them unless I reactivate the photo albums. Not a worry. Maybe I’ll come up with a “Best Of” photo album and make that available later.

Decisions decisions.

Retrospectives

Why do I feel motivated to add my voice to the chorus of those lamenting the events of September 11th?

I don’t know. I just do. Maybe it’s my way of coping with my own feelings.

Sometimes I feel that it’s pointless.

I think back on what happened that day two years ago. I remember arriving at work a few minutes late and hearing Steve telling me that someone flew a plane into one of the Towers. I remember thinking to myself “Oh, it must have been some nut in a single engine Cessna” or something like that.

Not an airliner.

Certainly not.

And most certainly not an airliner fully loaded with passengers and fuel. Let alone two.

Then a third into the Pentagon.

Then a fourth crashing into a field in Pennsylvania.

The world was dissolving into chaos while I tried in vain to pull up CNN’s website from my desktop.

Nothing. Just DNS errors and timeouts.

Once I was able to pull up the site, there was only a single page available with a picture of a smoking World Trade Center.

I remember…

I remember feeling impotent. Smaller somehow.

I remember being let out of work early. I had to get my wife and also take my Division Manager home because he didn’t have a ride.

I remember getting home and turning on CNN. I didn’t get to see the collapse of the towers live, but I had more than ample opportunity to watch the replay over and over and over again.

I remember people jumping.

In sick fascination I watched the bodies fall. I’m sure you did too.

Helplessness.

Anger.

Rage.

Fear.

Loathing.

In the days afterwards I would not sleep well. I remember feeling rage at the murder of thousands of people that I never met. I felt an ache at the loss of the men in uniform who willingly sacrificed themselves.

Families destroyed in an instant. Children became orphans. Brothers dead and sisters buried. Mothers and fathers. Cousins. Good friends.

I remember being glued to CNN just like everyone else was.

I remember holding my wife and thinking “If it’s been escalated to this level… what’s next?”

I remember the day the skies were empty.

Dad and Cheryl and I went out for lunch or dinner on September 11th at O’Charleys in Georgesville Square. We were trying to take our minds off of what was happening.

As we were walking in, I looked up in the sky and saw the contrails for three planes. I knew what they had to be.

Air Force One and two escorts.

It was pretty surreal. Knowing that only a few thousand feet were separating me, and the man that was now faced with the largest crisis in the world (at that time.)

I remember arriving to work on September 12th and hearing that we had nearly 50 voice mails in the bin. People wanting to donate blood misdialed the phone number 1-800-GIVE-LIFE. Our help desk toll-free number was remarkably similar. A single digit missed and you dialed us.

Even after we logged into the phones, we had to field calls from people who wanted to help, but we had to tell them that they dialed the wrong number. One woman got violently upset. She said to me “well don’t you think you should get your number fixed?” (Thinking she was speaking to the Red Cross even though I said I worked for my current employer.) I didn’t have the heart to point out the futility of her anger and that she had made a mistake. I think I wound up just transferring her and dialing the Red Cross myself.

Why is there hate?

Why does there have to be?

I guess maybe it’s too much to ask to have a peaceful world that my wife and I can raise our daughter in.

My beautiful little Emma. So innocent.

I’m sure that in my daughter’s lifetime she will see the most wonderful things. Advances in science, technology, art, music, and philosophy.

But what horrors will she live to see visited upon us?

What will be the next level of escalation? What US citizen will decide to blow up another building? What terrorist will fall through the cracks?

Before becoming pregnant, Cheryl and I debated the choice of bringing a child into this world.

At times it doesn’t seem fair.

But to Emma, it will just be another thing. She won’t have to “get used” to the threat of terrorism. Not like me. Not like Cheryl. It will have always been there. Just another thing to be aware of and careful of.

I think it’s true what they say, life is divided into before and after September 11th.

Before and after.

So simple.

Yet so hideously complex.

God help us all to find a way to live in peace.

Of Cabbages and Kings

The interview went pretty well. Jeremy (the hiring manager) and I sat down and had a frank, open discussion about things this morning.

It’s refreshing to go into an interview like that. Some are rigid and structured. This one was candid and free form. No STAR methods here. We even talked about what it is we like to do in our spare time. We shared stories about family and parenting.

I liked that.

I felt I did pretty well in answering his questions, and I think I surprised him with some of the questions I asked him. He drilled down into my answers to get details. There was a lot of “how” and “why.” He wanted to get behind the details to see how I worked. I was expecting that, but not in such detail. I can understand though that the guy needs to get under the hood.

Jeremy is a pretty no-nonsense kind of guy who doesn’t like to deal with a load of bull. He has a job that needs to get done, and he needs everyone on his team working together to get it done. I can respect that.

During the interview he told me that I didn’t have as much network experience as he would like. Chances are I won’t get the call for the job. Not this time anyway. He did however say that he would like to keep me in mind for any other openings that he has in the future. The job I applied for was a technical Lead. Sort of a level 3 guy. Ideally, he’d like to bring me in as a Level 2 Senior Tcom Analyst.

I left the interview feeling that I had done well, and felt confident that at some point in the future I will be working for this guy. That’s not too shabby. If anything, the networking opportunity alone was worth the price of admission.

He told me to keep in touch, and I plan on it. All in all, not a bad day so far.