Birthday Girl

We were able to celebrate Emma’s second birthday recently. With that shining event comes a slew of new photos for me to unleash on an unsuspecting populace. Look upon the light of my life and be sent into diabetic shock by her sweetness and cuteness. And as if that weren’t enough, I have video, yes, video clips for you to ogle as well. Look all ye who visit here and behold the wonder of the Internets to deliver my daughter’s cuteness into your own computer.

Click each link once to view, or right click on the link and choose "Save As" to save to your computer.
Video Clip 1: Emma checks herself out in the video camera. (5 mb download)
Video Clip 2: Emma and Mommy at playtime. Cheryl will kill me for posting this online. Oh and turn your speakers down. (2.3 mb download)
Video Clip 3: Emma settles in to watch Blue’s Clues and have a drink.  (5.4 mb download)

Reconnecting

It’s been my good fortune to pick up communication with an old friend.

Let’s set the wayback machine to the early 1990’s and journey back in time when Guns and Roses, Pearl Jam, and Soundgarden were getting much in the way of airplay. Michael Jackson was a freak, but not yet an accused pedophile, and Wayne’s World and Jurassic Park were in the movie theaters.

When I was going to college in the days of yore shortly out of High School I hooked up with an enigmatic and energetic fifteen year old prodigy with the name of Elf. Elf (her initials) and I hung out quite a bit and became fast friends. Shortly after I was kicked out of college the first time for poor grades and sometime before I was kicked out of college a second time for even worse grades I met up with her and we became nearly inseparable. I looked after her like a big brother and she aggravated me to no end like a little sister. We sat and chatted much about nothing and laughed and shared much in the way of good times.

We’ve spent the better part of the last two days trading war stories and talking about friends, family, and life experiences. It’s been very nice. I’ve been relating how my life has led me to my current zen-like state and she has been telling me about her experiences over the past ten or eleven years. She has been steadily reading my journal entries to catch up on my life, and I’ve been reading hers to see whats new in her neck of the woods.

When we first drifted apart, I remember her sending me letters. There would be little drawings and snippets of Beatles song lyrics. The letters were always entertaining to read and had the main content written like a standard letter, then in the margins or around the edges would be little thoughts, ramblings, and other little doodles. It’s as if she had too much information floating around in her head and she desperately needed to get it out. It’s good to see that she’s still this way ten years later

Catching up with her has helped me find some bit of happiness in what otherwise was a particularly dark period of my life. It’s helped me remember the joy and happiness I felt to finally get out of the hell that was High School and into the new environment that was college. I fell in with a group of new friends and we spent a lot of our time hanging out in the basement of the college, or at the top of the staircase where there was a little nook and two couches for us to crash on. Some of the best times of my life were spent in that building with those people. Even though I got kicked out of school twice, I was able to finally relax and be myself around a group of people who could do the same.

After I was kicked out of school the second time, I began to drift aimlessly and as things happen she and I drifted apart. She went her way and eventually went to school in New Hampshire. I started working full time here and there. As we drifted apart, her letters would come and remind me of the good times, as well as filling me in on her life up to that point. I would try my best to write back.

(This was during the prehistoric days… the days before I had or had heard of e-mail.)

We all know what happens next (for the most part). Life goes on. I go back to school and drop out again. I meet up with Kathee and our relationship runs its course. My mom was diagnosed with cancer in 1996 and shortly thereafter died from complications related to it. The good times were soon overshadowed by the complexities of life.

Dysfunctional relationships, attempts to cope with the curveballs that life throws at you, depression, doom, despair, agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery, if it tweren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all, doom, despair, and agony on me.

Sorry, I channelled Hee-Haw there for a moment.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this. Occasionally we are fortunate enough to meet up with old friends once again and recapture some of the joy of happier times. I’m glad we’ve met up again because it brings just that much more happiness into my life.

Welcome back Elf!

Changes

As of August 14th, I have my Bachelors Degree. My diploma has been received and framed. I graduated with full honors and a 3.9 GPA.

I’m just now beginning to come down from five years of constantly moving, working, studying, etc. All those things that I’ve been saying before about not being able to sleep, not being able to concentrate, not being able to relax and so forth are slowly fading away as I begin to reclaim my life. As I’ve repeatedly told Cheryl, "It feels good."

Last night we were out for a walk around sunset. It was so quiet and peaceful and there was nothing to do, nothing to plan for, and nothing behind schedule. It was just Cheryl and I as we walked in the peace and quiet. Over the past few days I’ve said several times it feels like I am getting my life back and Cheryl wholeheartedly agrees. She has mentioned how nice it is to have her husband back. I used to do things like cook dinner and help out around the house. Being in school was consuming pretty much my entire life. It wasn’t so much a bad thing but a true sacrifice of self for something larger. Now that sacrifice is paying off and I am getting to know my wife and child again.

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I followed up with my family doctor regarding my heart. He did not seem overly concerned (nor do I). He has scheduled a routine follow-up visit with a Cardiologist where I will more than likely undergo several blood tests, an ultrasound of my heart, and a 24-hour heart monitor. My initial blood work shows that I am within norms on my sodium, blood sugar, etc. This is always good.

My diet and exercise seem to be working for me very well. Walking is getting easier and easier for me and I am starting to cover more ground more quickly. Where I was once huffing and puffing to get up a flight of stairs I have a much easier time. Last night I found that I wanted to keep walking as opposed to coming back to the car and heading home. I am no longer winded by going shopping or walking through a parking lot.

It’s getting to the place where I feel that I need to exercise lest I feel bloated and overfull after dinner or meals. Granted, it sucks getting all hot and sweaty but the fact that I do feel better and I know it’s helping me to stay more healthy are what I am trying to focus on. Maybe soon I will start on working in some weights, situps, or other exercises.

I guess we’ll see what happens.

Don’t Mind the Dust

With a surplus of free time comes the ability to spend it. As such I’ve updated the overall look and feel of the site. Gone is the clutter on the right hand navigation (which I was growing increasingly sick of) and in are some new links which you may or may not enjoy.

I’ve opened up access to some of my short stories that I’ve written as well as set up sub-sites for other works yet to be started. Feel free to keep checking back and I hope you like what I’ve done with the place.

The Great Experiment

So, lots to discuss.

This past Wednesday afternoon was a pretty stressful day. Things were flying apart at the seams and I just needed to get out of the office for an hour and relax. I was walking out to my car to begin my lunch break, and about halfway out to my car my heart started acting funny and buzzing like a pager inside my chest. This went on for about ten to fifteen seconds and then it returned to normal and has been ever since. Apparently the Doctors call this Atrial Fibrillation. At least thats what a Doctor told me when I stopped in to get checked out.

(Before we go any further, I am okay. All is just peachy, k?)

Y’see, I’ve been having these heart palpitations for the last couple months off and on. I’d be sitting in a chair or watching TV and I’d feel my heart go *gulp* and then go on like normal. This would happen maybe once a day or once every other day. I talked to my Doctor about these before and they were chalked up to stress and labeled as Pre-Ventricular Contractions. Heck, most adults have them according to the MDs. If you look at the list of causes for my two heart-related speed bumps you will see a checklist for what was basically my lifestyle. High stress, lack of sleep, exhaustion, caffeine intake, poor diet, sedentary lifestyle, etc, etc.

Apparently my body has been trying to tell me "Get off your arse and go do something. Please. For the love of God."

So, I have been doing something. Since Friday anyway.

Every day Cheryl and I go walking someplace. For the first two or three days we walked around our little village, Emma in her stroller and us just-a-marching along. Last night Cheryl and I took one of our sunset drives to another town (after Emma was asleep and Dad volunteered to nugget-sit) and checked out a bike/pedestrian trail that traces alongside one of our local rivers. It was quite nice.

I have to say that getting out and walking has helped my energy levels considerably. What was once a lethargic mammoth sack of flesh lying on the couch is now a slightly more energized mammoth sack of flesh huffing and puffing his way down a bike path or sidewalk near you. My diet has improved too over the past week. Fast food is completely out, as is caffeine (God do I miss my daily cup of hot tea or two… I’m thinking of substituting homemade hot chocolate instead).

In are fresh fruits, vegetables, and healthier fare. Out is Wendy’s, Chipotle, and Barry’s New York Style Deli.

Well, maybe Barry’s and Chipotle every once in awhile, but certainly not every other day. Maybe once or twice a month now.

Anywho…

My walking has considerably improved my energy levels and I can breathe easier now. I noticed that yesterday. Where I once would have been huffing and puffing just out of the gate, I wasn’t huffing and puffing until I was at 3/4 of a mile. When we got back to the car I wasn’t even breathing hard at all. That was a nice surprise. So, I can basically tell that it’s working for me. Also, my heart hasn’t gulped or paged me in the past few days which is still further proof that it is helping to make my heart stronger.

(Insert a chorus of "duh’s" here)

For now, I am taking baby steps and slowly walking more and more each day. I hope that we can keep doing this every day as it improves my quality of life, improves the amount of time I get to spend with Cheryl and Emma, and it keeps me from sitting on my butt in front of the telly all evening.

Oh, and yes I have a follow-up visit with my Doctor soon, so I am going to talk to her again and run this by her. I’m hoping that she will say diet and exercise will be enough and I won’t have to make a trip to see a cardiologist. Saying that you’ve had a stress test at 31 isn’t exactly something you want to put on a resume.

I could launch into a long-winded explanation about why I’ve never really exercised before but it pretty much boils down to the fact that my Mom constantly nagged me about what I could and couldn’t have and what I could and couldn’t eat and the amount of exercise I did and didn’t do. As a result I wanted a LOT of what I couldn’t have and would sneak behind her back to get snacks. I even developed extremely crafty ways of emptying the peanut butter jar while making it look like it was still full. That’s pretty fricking sad, I know.

So anyway, once I got out from under her thumb I basically went nuts and started eating everything in sight. This caused my weight to balloon up to around 500 pounds and it wasn’t until I met Cheryl that I started getting my eating habits under control and began to shed some poundage. I’ve also been putting off exercise for the past few years due to the fact that I was in school and I "didn’t have the time" to get out and move me flabby buttocks.

Anywho my current physical state can’t all be blamed on my mother. After all, it was I that ingested the food right? Right.

So.

Moving on.

Daily exercise is going to try and be my new routine now. If things go well and I start losing more weight then I will try to work in other things like bicycling, weightlifting, and activities like situps to tighten up my Sam’s Club value pack of sixty abs.

Let’s see what happens eh?

Sunset Drive

This week is my last week in school. I’ve maybe two assignments left to complete and then nothing. Sunday found me attempting to adapt to a somewhat new routine as a result. Things were a bit slower around the house. I found myself bored with nothing to do. Sundays for me are normally focused on doing homework from around Noon to usually 11PM.

With this bumper crop of extra time, I was able to catch a bit of a cat nap on the couch while Emma played and watched Blue’s Clues and Oobi all day. Cheryl busied herself around the house while I entertained and basically parented the kid. Something I’ve not had much time to do given my educational activities for the past five years (two years if you count the time that Emma has been around).

With more time away from my hermitage in the basement, I’ve actually been able to take my wife out for a drive here and there in the evenings. After Emma goes to sleep, we leave Dad to nugget-sit while Cheryl and I go out for a while and just drive like we used to. In the days of yore (when we were dating and first married) we used to just get out and go. Get fresh air. Go get some ice cream. Go to a movie. Go to dinner. Just go. This past week has seen a recurrence of this behavior and to be honest, it’s nice. Cheryl and I spend most of our days rushing here and rushing there and haven’t really had time to live or be together as a couple. So spending time together in the evenings driving nowhere have been nice.

As school is starting to ramp down I am going to have an abundance of free time on my hands. I have already begun to get excited at the prospect of fleshing out my stories more and more. I have been telling myself that after school is done I am going to start focusing on my writing more. I’ve been pretty dry lately in terms of plot, characters, and storylines. I’ve attributed this writer’s block to my hectic schedule and day-to-day activities. With more time to let my brain focus on playing with its crayons I should be able to let the stories start to flow more naturally now. When I have to force them out, it isn’t real.

Like Asimov said, "Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers." I want it to be that simple, natural, and elegant. I don’t want to have to struggle with a story. Ultimately, I have to be me and just let the writing flow. Anything less would be dishonest and incomplete.